Heart & Strength

This is a conversation in my head that I haven’t quite figured out yet.

As of late I have been asking myself “what is my purpose for this period of my life?”

I’ve known what it is now for awhile, I have been to afraid to say it out loud, terrified to quietly say it to myself.

Couple of months back I wrote about suffering, living with suffering and what it has meant to me. Suffering is my greatest teacher. It is a gift on how to lead a purposeful life, if you accept the lessons it gives. Not a gift that I would ever ask for or wish to give to another, but a gift.

We all have diseases, dysfunction and disabilities of sorts. These are all conditions of being human. In truth I feel like a jerk for even offering the words you are about to read below. Who am I?

I never wanted to talk about my illness. Still don’t. I do not want to be a person whose life is defined by the diagnosis of a disease. I want to talk about the lesson learned from living. These are not lessons on medical advice or tips or tricks to wellness, nor are these suggestions on how to handle side effects from medicine. These are lessons about putting in the effort.

Five years into to this journey I am stronger, smarter and more creative due to the struggles and lessons of living with my disease. I still do not speak about the illness; I am only interested in talking about what I learned. People ask me for answers all the time but I only offer them a starting place to practice. This happens in photography as much as it does in health. To see the look of disappointment in their faces every time when I offer no answer and only a practice. Life is a singular journey that is never the same twice, not even for the reincarnated. No answers given only new paths to explore...it is in art as it is in health.

Why I feel the need to share this with others I am not sure. Am I qualified to share? Doubtful. Do I have secrets to life with disease? Again doubtful. Selfishly, I believe if I can help others, in turn I can help myself. Here is a problem no one is even asking me for help. Here I sit on my soap box looking to preach inside an empty church.

How can I make this happen, can I help myself by helping others? Where do I start? What is this need, this calling inside of me to motivate others to lead a healthy, creative life? If you have answers e-mail me.

My purpose is:
To help others lead a life filled with the “heart of a servant” and the “strength of a fighter”, and that takes practices.

Art is pain. Art’s only purpose is to serve. You must have the strength of a fighter to keep getting back up and the faith of an angel to serve.