15 Minutes of Sharing

There is much to write about, not even sure were to start. I’ll start with a Thank You for all the e-mails this week, it's been a powerful couple of days of reading and responding to the messages.

This past Sunday I ran a race. Monday I shared it with you. Every day since you all have been sharing with me. Sharing is good. Sharing is something we often forget about. Not purposely, it's just that we are not connected enough to share.

One of my favorite things that was shared with me was motivational advice from a daughter to a mother with Devics. The daughter's words were “You can do anything you want for 15 minutes”...I loved it, I loved that a daughter said that to her mother. When your kid gives you advice like that you know you did a good job parenting. I ran into the woods today with those words chorusing in my head. I ran through muddy trails, slipping and slogging along, wanting to stop. I ran. I am thankful to the mother and daughter for sharing with me.

I wrote down the words in Monday’s post: Body, Mind and Soul has an order to it. That phrase resonated with a lot of you and I'm glad for that. When the body goes, we can share in the pain that it causes in the mind and soul, and it does cause pain.

Good health is weird. Do you know anybody in good health? We know lots of people in better states of health, but good heath? Poor health seems to be the natural condition to an evolved society, in a poor society the mosquitoes kill you, in an evolved society it's hidden toxins in our air, water, and food that kills us. It's strange how mysterious illness is.

Health is not mysterious; it is something we need to do in order to stay alive. Period.

You, we (I) can have an illness and be healthy (this is what many of you have shared with me). Placing effort into being healthy is not a hobby or a past-time. It is something we simply do to stay alive. Nothing special.

In times past we would hunt, fish, farm, gather, and build things to stay alive. Today we do not need to do any of those things to stay alive. We do them for pleasure. Staying alive is simply not that hard. We have stores for everything and pills for the rest of our problems...until that day of illness.

No matter what state your physical body is in, placing effort into being healthy is “nothing special”. It is just what we do to stay alive.

My 15 minutes of sharing.....

Bonus Question:
What does abundance mean to you?

Photo(s) of the Week

It's not to often that I share my wedding photography on this blog. To see the complete work you can go to my wife's blog (here) and our main site (here).

Moment

Current Reading: We Are All Weird by Seth Godin
Current Music: Becoming a Jackal by Villagers
Mood: Sparse effort
Sounds: Cars, wind, kitchen noise
Smells: Coffee & pancakes
Temperature: 72 degrees
Thoughts: Whatever we see is the way, practice seeing compassion.

Race Day Report

Let's start with the stats...
42 years old, 10K (6.2 Miles), 56 minutes

This was the completion (and the starting point) to a summer of work.

Throughout the race I would say to myself “fueled by Grace”. This mantra came from a conversation I had with an NMO patient (Devics patient) whose name is Grace. I never shared this story with you here. I never seemed to be able to write down the experience, needless to say it was good.

I ran for those who could no longer run, walk or even move much. I ran for those who live with this disease in different stages of progression to show that it could be done. That you could do this...or walk, or jog around the block. In disease as in life it's hard to heal the mind if you do not heal the body first.

Heal the body in whatever manor you can. I know some of you reading this have permanent damage, healing the body has a different meaning for you, different levels for all of us. It may be to stand on your own or walk down the hallway in your house or to walk to the mailbox. Whatever your goal is, go for it...I believe you can achieve it. When you do, share it with others.

The phrase "body, mind and soul" has an order to it. Improvements on the outside will help fix issues on the inside (ponder that grasshopper :)) Ok, so I sound like an infomercial, trust me it will help a lot.

The phrase "body, mind and soul" has an order to it.

Let's talk about the highlights of the race for me.

The last 1/2 mile was euphoric for me. I turned a corner and ran into a wall of people cheering. It felt great. I was high-fiveing little kids, waving to the pretty girls cheering, reading motivational signs and thanking spectators for the encouraging words. I loved it. Every step of it.

Around mile four I saw a young man seated in a wheelchair on the sidewalk clapping for the runners as they go by. This was so incredibly powerful for me to see. This young man had no idea why I was running. In truth I’m running to get as far away from the image of being in a wheelchair myself. Living with Devics or MS, the possibility of ending up in a wheelchair is always an ever-present thought. I sit in my neurologist's waiting room and read about my condition on the internet. The long term prognosis of using my own two feet diminish quickly. At that moment of seeing this young man, I think: as long as I can move my body, I will. In turn my body can heal my mind (sometimes thoughts need to be squashed).

The other highlights of the race for me was the other runners; all different types of people were out running. All ages, all sizes, all with a different purpose. I loved it. I loved being part of the pack.

Future goals: 15K, 1/2 marathon (hopefully I can find trail races. I love running in the forest).

The main goal is to run with a group of Devics and MS patients alongside of me. I would like to travel to different parts of the county and run with Devics/MS people.

Thank you for all the e-mails and facebook messages, they meant a lot to me!

Heart of a servant
Strength of a fighter



In the end what I did was nothing special. 14,000 people showed up and ran and that is the lesson learned. Sometimes doing nothing special feels really good.

Photo of the Week

The Accomplishment is Achieve...

The accomplishment is achieve in the act of doing...go sweep the floor. Those were the words said to me.

This past weekend I attended my first meditation retreat (sesshin), lots and lots of meditation. I missed out out on Saturday due to having to shoot a wedding. In truth, taking a day off in between days of sitting was a good thing for me. Waiting around doing nothing while waiting for radical nothingness to happen gets a-wee-bit-boring.

The highlight for me was a private interview (daisan) between teacher and student (me) for examining my practice. This was the first time I met the teacher, even the phrase “The Teacher” became a daunting movie-filled imagery of what to expect. I met the teacher, she looked like Mother Teresa without the veil, kind eyes, small features who smiles when she meditates.

The words that she spoke to me were subtle, direct, simple and light (if that can be a descriptive possibility). “You have a gift. So what. You had nothing to do with it.” “Compassion is adjusting the pillow unconsciously while you sleep. Be present.” OK so it was like having a conversation with Yoda and Mother Teresa combined.

Doing the work that I am supposed to being doing. That is what brought me to Zen practice, I tell her, she smiles. “How do you feel?” she asked. “Uncomfortable” I answer. “Good, do the work.” she responded.

Last week I wrote about “No Goal, No Thinking”. I received lots of feedback. It's never the post that you think will get good a response, it's always the sleepers. That's what I call my early morning work: sleepers.

To me the above sentence: The accomplishment is achieve in the act of doing, is the meaning to “No Goal, No Thinking”. This is the work that I feel I am supposed to be doing...to be sharing with you.

I have received many inspirational e-mails from you over this past month. Thank You! They fuel me. I am going to run my first race (10K) Sunday, and I will be filled with the stories that you have shared with me. I dedicate this run to you.

Heart of a servant
Strength of a fighter

Moment

Current Reading: The Heart of the Universe by Mu Soenq
Current Music: Sting Live in Berlin
Mood: Ready to run
Sounds: TV, wife on a phone call
Smells: Coffee
Temperature: 66 degrees
Thoughts: We are all simply flickering verbs in this dance we call life...

No Goals, No Thinking....

That’s what I am calling my next motivational speech. Want to come? OK, so I do not not have a motivational speech to invite you to, but who would want to attend something titled that pointless?

This summer has been filled with the greatest successes in my entire life. That's a lot to say. This summer I have surpassed many goals from my past. There was that summer when I started using the potty all by myself, that was good. The summer when I took the training wheels off my bike, hello scraped knees. The summer I learned to drive, the summer I went to college, the summer...OK you get the point; these past months have been good ones. Why you ask?

No goals, no thinking...only purpose.

If you happen to be a daily reader of this blog then you know how the events of this summers have transpired for me. If you are new to the blog, Hi! You can catch up on my life (HERE).

I started off this summer simply being, there was no point of failure for me at any time. If I woke up and placed effort into my day I was a winner. What would I win? The chance to get up and do it again. It was like that movie “Groundhog Day”, madness at times. I turned into a witness of my own life, observing the object self. Very trippy indeed.

A snowball's chance in Hell, that was my summer and the snowball survived. How did the snowball survive? By placing purpose and effort into the moments of now. Never planning beyond...(p.s. I am the snowball, trippy, I told you)

Things arise all around us all the time: the sun, the wind, our thoughts, creative passion and our health. The only thing is, we need to notice them.

That's where things get hard: slowing down, simplifying life to notice. This is where no goal, no thinking, is transformed into a powerful tool.

Let me give you two examples from my own life. The first is taken from a friend on photography advice. In photography my goal is to create something that the human eye cannot see. The advice was to slow down and let the story of now unfold to let the photo arise in the moment of now. Not me creating the moment but by me noticing what is arising and unfolding around us all the time. Good photography advice, great life advice, in turn my ability to see, to take better photos has grown exponentially over this summer. Plus I am a happier photographer to boot because of it.

Second example: health. When I started to up my exercise this summer, instead of hiring a trainer or writing out a must do work out list, I simply went out in my back yard and did pull-ups and push-ups. That was it. No set number, no set reps, no goal, no thinking...simply doing. That went well so next I started walking, then running, then I set a goal and all went to Hell.

The goal was to run a 10K (which I still plan on doing) but my running went from a place of joy, a place that I ran for the experience of running to a place of goal setting, a place of falling short of the goal and a place of thinking and thinking of why and what am I doing wrong.

After three days of rest I had a conversation that would get me back on the path. I sat on the back porch with my Uncle telling him about my summer. Telling him how I set out every day with no goals, only purpose. He looked at me and said "Quit thinking too. Thinking just slows you down. You ask too many unanswerable questions when you think."

So I took his advice.

I entered the woods this past week and ran further and faster then ever before.

I ran to notice what was arising...it felt great, I was back.

Lesson learned: Mindfulness is being aware of what is arising. No goal, no thinking needed, purpose and effort is all that is required.

Do the work.

Photo of the Week

Feel More, Hurt Less

Ten years...has it been that long?

A radical reversal will never happen so I sit in radical nothingness counting my breaths. Meditation (zazen) seems like the right thing to do, to offer to the world.

Sunday morning I awake to blue skies for the first time in days. The rain has left the skies.

Shower, coffee, stretching and out the door. The streets are empty, few cars, no people, all is still except for the birds. The birds litter the streets and sidewalks, they mull around in groups. Today even the birds don’t want to be in the sky.

I stop to buy coffee and the place is empty, one girl behind the counter woken out of her daydream by me asking for a dark roast.

I drive.

Music sounds better today. The melodies are healing. Art serves, I will never stop saying this.

Baptism by fire; if you didn't believe that day you never will.

The Sunday following that day, I stood in front of a congregation with a guitar in my arms and I played. In times of war send the musicians in first. The look on the congregation's faces were blank, numb without hope. The music affected all of us. It gave us back our breath.

Music never sounded the same as it did that morning. We choked back the tears as we played. We gave each other hugs between songs, we bowed down.

A radical reversal will never happen, we must live with this.

Moment

Current Reading: Italian Shoes by Henning Mankell
Current Music: So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter by Ani DiFranco
Mood: Concerned
Sounds: Washing machine
Smells: Coffee & Toast
Temperature: 75 degrees
Thoughts: Nothing Special - Get good at it.

Zen Is Not Spiritual

This summer I made the commitment to study and experience Zen. I wanted to put down the books and do the work that I have been reading about for so long. So far this is what I learned.

Zen is not spiritual.

Christianity is spiritual. The surrender, the worship, the not knowing, the afterlife, Heaven, Hell, the giving it all over to Jesus, the confession of sins, communion.

Zen is not spiritual at all, at least not yet, for me. Ten years I have read the works of Gary Snyder, Ken Wilber, John Daido Loori and Thich Nhat Hanh. These guys made Zen come alive for me. The pages read of Satori, the awakening mind, the collectiveness of Nirvana and inner peace found by following your own breath. Mindfulness!

Zen is not spiritual...it is nothing special, nevertheless there is something there.

Getting good at “Nothing Special” has evolved into a mantra of my own this summer. Do the work for the sake of doing the work. There is nothing special in that, yet there is something worth exploring, something worthy to add to life, to thoughts, to action.

Why? Nothing Special is the secret to touching spirituality, the fingerprint of God. Sounds like a phrase to spray on a t-shirt “nothing special" on the front and on the back "Zen is not spiritual".

Can being good at nothing special be the key to ultimate awareness? The new tagline for this blog is health, creativity, life, simplicity. All of these are nothing special. If you think about it, it's what we are suppose to do: be healthy to live, create something to partake in, life-whatever that is-is the journey we all share, and simplicity-who we are outwardly as who we are inwardly, taking off the mask and putting down the persona.

Last night as I walked out of the Zendo and to my car with cool wet air blowing in my face, a stranger walked by me and said “Good evening mate”. I think about my cousin and the news that she will receive today, I hope it's good. I get in my car and turn the music up loud and drive slowly through the college town roads trying my best not to hit the late night runners. I get home and place my hand on my sleeping daughter to feel her breath rising in her belly slowly and letting out of the belly slowly. I pour myself a glass a wine, I sit at the computer to write.

Zen is not spiritual.

Photography Side Projects

I have not been doing much of my photography side projects as of late.

My “Ambient Art” series has come to a close, 5yrs in creating that body of work. Time to step away, bring it to a close and move towards a new subject. The Ambient series has been an important creative outlet. Side projects make me a better photographer on game day.

It seems lately every time I have a conversation or read about photography the subject moves towards taking lots and lots of photos of a single subject and or theme. Simply press down on the shutter and rattling off 8 shots per second and then edit to select the best.

I’ve struggled with the idea that photography is a volume sport. Intentionally creating a photo is where it's at for me, not spraying through volumes of photos to pick the best.

I do understand that this is a personal process for the photographer on how they choose to create. I need to be quiet and selective before pressing the shutter. Creative moments live in the breath for me, not in the aftermath.

This brings me to a new side project and I am considering putting some time into: Abstract Wind is the project that I’ll be working on. I have this vision of capturing patterns in the wind, provided by dust, leaves, debris, cloud patterns and birds. This project has me bowing down to Mother Nature and shooting quick to capture as many frames as possible to find that perfect line and form that I wish to capture. So, I argue with myself on that maybe photography can be a volume sport.

It comes down to how you wish to "Do The Work". In the end the creative process is only about doing the work, those who wait for inspiration.....wait.

Heart & Strength Interview Series w/ Johnna Swilley-Lewis

Today I started a new series in which I highlight people living with Devics and/or MS who live life strong. Please let me introduce you to Johnna Swilley-Lewis, a small business owner living in Fort Smith, Arkansas who is living with Devics.

What prompted me to ask Johnna to do this interview with me is that she is a runner. I am looking for people to inspire me to push myself in my life with Devics/MS. Johnna did that for me. Thank you Johnna.

My goal is to show people that you can live well with a disease by placing “purpose and effort” into your life (not simply waiting for medicine to work, but by “you” the individual being proactive). I have personally opted out of taking medicine for my journey with Devics/MS. In no way in this interview do I wish to sway people on their medicine, that is personal decision. I do hope to shed light on the idea that we can have control over our health.

You call yourself the “crazy blind running fool”. What level of blindness are you at? How do you compensate when running being visually impaired?

My optic neuritis has not taken all of my sight, just the ability to focus.

I have a BIG mastiff "Hoss"(dog) who runs with me. At 225 lbs he is quite a deterrent and being the gentle giant that he is I feel safe. I also run with a local group.

My Opthamologist is awesome. He has seen me through a lot, especially the day that came last March when we realized I couldn't see the "BIG E " on the eye chart, which brings me to my favorite quote. "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

You have a goal of running a 1/2 marathon next March. What challenges will Devics/MS place on you during your training?

Currently I am recovering from an achilles tendon tear, after rehab I will start training for a 1/2 marathon in March and with luck a marathon in April. Don't get me wrong , I realize I have to "reason" with "my Devics" from time to time and take a break.

(***Editor Note***) (After reading Johnna's e-mails prior to posting this interview, she inspired me to sign up for my 1st 10k to be held on the 9/25).

How has the practice of alternative medicine influenced your life? (I love the word practice, people need to think about their health as a practice)

A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thoughts to derive benefit from his illnesses - Hippocrates. I truly believe this, therefore I practice it. I do understand that Alternative Medicine is just that: alternative.

My journey began in 1986 and just like most has been the same. It started at a Rheumatologist, Neurologist, Pulmonologist and a lot of other "ologists". For me Western Meds made my personal situation worse, I was labeled "uncompliant" and even "crazy". I went as far as to get a Psych eval. Either way I HAVE DEVICS, IT DOES NOT HAVE ME! I have a vitamin regamen I follow that was prescribed and adjusted as needed by my Chiropractor, who is a Dr. of Naturopathy. Also, he has my MRIs and is well aware of my situation. I see him weekly. I also use a Massage therapist who specializes in reflexology.

What is your philosophy on living with Devics/MS?

I apologize to no one for the way I choose to face Devics, I OWN my life and until the time comes and I have to give it over to God I will plant my feet or whatever I have available to me and be a force to be reckoned with. I am the "crazy blind runner".

I am the "crazy blind runner". Thank you so much John for letting me share my story with you. God Bless

Photo of the Week

This photo ends my Ambient Art series. You can see the full gallery (HERE), to close this series I want to give away this photo.


This photograph is licensed under a creative commons licensing: Please feel free to use and distribute the photography & artwork in accordance with the licensing.

You can download full size JPG (HERE)

A New Chapter

The above photo is of my daughter heading out the door for her day at kindergarten: a new chapter. This day closes a chapter in my life. This day, especially the morning, was the most emotional day I have had since the day she was born. It seems that she was just squeezing my little finger moments after she was delivered and now 5yrs later she's heading out the door. She smiles and tells me she loves me. I smile, “I love you too baby girl”. We walk to the bus together.

Three months ago I set out in search of a fresh direction in life. Not a dramatic life change but a new sense of purpose. A new chapter.

The question was asked to me “What would your life look like if you could not fail?” My life would be the same minus the day-to-day worries. I would keep my business as is, wife and daughter as is, disease (almost) as is. I know how disturbing that must sound, who would keep a disease as is. I do want a cure. I know that this condition has brought me to this moment, to me actually writing down that I can mange this, better yet, I can do something good with it. I like that. It gives me the fresh direction in life that I’ve been searching for.

What gives me this optimistic outlook? I have no idea. Some people like sports, I like optimism. Let me tell you, this attitude of mine can piss people off, funny but true. How do I spread the word without pissing people off?

After I came out of my MS/DD closet and told the world “hey it's possible to be ok” the feedback has been staggered. Some place me on a mountain top, some just want me to shut up. One of the traits I like about myself is the ability to understand multiple perspectives when talking to people. Which means that when people place me on the mountain top those who wish to push me off are equally as right. I pray for a soft landing with the hope of helping a few along the way.

In the coming months I am going to have the opportunity to have a conversation about doing advocacy work. I like that. I hope it works out. I keep telling the world that I want to be the Lance Armstrong of MS/DD, this could be my start.

Let me leave you with a lesson learned (this lesson is equally applied in health, creativity & life).

Perfection is found in the process. Do not concern yourself with the results, concern yourself with the process.

Process over outcome, in every aspect of life.

Moment

Current Reading: Chi Running by Danny Dreyer
Current Music: Wake Up by John Legend & The Roots
Mood: Satisfied
Sounds: Back ground sounds of news on TV
Smells: Eggs, Spinach & coffee
Temperature: 81 degrees
Thoughts: Process over outcome, in every aspect of life.

Thank You's, Feedback & One Minute

It's a new day and before I get going on this post today there are a couple of people I would like to thank for helping me to get my story out to the world.

Joe Perez, who is a writer that I have followed for years. Thank you Joe for your inspiring words and providing me with a title for my story. Neal Griebling of Future Design Studio. Neal has been a guiding voice to me over this summer, helping me to write the next chapter of my life. Chris Miller, thank you for re-designing my blog and bringing a clear message of what I want to present to the world. Lastly to my wife, you are the only medicine I will ever need...

Now onto the feedback. This is what learned from the sharing of my story on Monday.

First, thank you for your e-mails, kind words and well wishes. They mad my day!

I received the greatest amount of feedback from outside the MS/DD community. That was not at all what I was expecting, I was expecting a collective “Yeah, it's possible to live well with a disease.”

What I received (for the most part) from within the MS/DD community were people sharing their stories with me about feeling judged when they tell their positive thoughts on Facebook pages, forums, websites...etc. I have felt that way too and it's an isolating feeling.

To those living with the disease I say THANK YOU for sharing your success stories with me. My advice to you is this: Be Not Afraid, Speak Up, Share, Share, Share those encouraging words.... We need more of this. Months ago I read a story about a man with DD getting back on his mountain bike and riding for the first time in a year. I loved it. There are people who still go for the mountain top. I want to be one of those people.

We all miss our previous life of wellness and pain free living. A life where the nightmares were left in our sleeping state. Today I breathe and that is good. Today you breathe and that is good. Let's do something new with our breath.

Lesson learned #2 (see Lesson Learned #1 HERE). One minute of effort a day leads to the greatest improvements.

Go start a new one minute of practice of your own. It could be one minute of writing, one minute of prayer or meditation, one minute of exercise, one minute of gratefulness, one minute of artistic practice, one minute of...

Share your minute with me.

Living Life with the Heart of a Servant and the Strength of a Fighter

In October of 2005 I was told that I have a progressive form of Multiple Sclerosis, while also being diagnosed with Devics Disease a few years later. On January 26 of 2006, my wife gave birth to our daughter. I spent the first year of my daughter’s life sick. It was and is a life with symptoms that made it hard for me to walk, hard for me to have any feeling below the waist, both legs numb and tingling at all times never to subside, muscle weakness, loss of coordination, loss of muscle toning causing stiffness, pain and restricting free movement of my right hand and left side of my mid selection, optic neuritis, electrical shock and buzzing sensations zapping the middle of my back, fatigue, and random other whatnots.

Six years into this journey and I still have all of the symptoms listed above. What I no longer am is a person who identifies with being sick. I am not infallible...I get sick for periods at a time, I get flare-ups and attacks, I have an illness without a cure, I live with the effects that this disease has over me, but I am not sick. I live a well life. A life filled with effort and purpose by living a healthy and creative life. Being a father, husband, photographer and business owner has saved my life...all because I want to be there for everything.

I want to help you in your life in whatever way I can. My goal is to get others with this disease to stand and walk, to create things, to connect and to grow; to be well with a disease without a cure.

I want to be the Lance Armstrong of MS/DD. I want to start telling the world about how to be healthy while having a disease without a cure. Armstrong did this with cancer and a bike. I want to do this with MS/DD, a camera, a pen and my feet.

This past winter of 2011 I was barely able to get out of bed and when I did I wasn’t able to walk without the aid of a cane. Slowly I started to move daily...now in August of 2011 I am able to trail run five miles. I have the goal of becoming a charity runner for MS/DD.

For six years I have kept a blog but never used the words MS/DD. Briefly at times I would hint to my illness but never would the words be said out loud. Why? Fear.

I am a photographer, people hire me with the expectation that I will show up. Never have I wanted to place doubt in a client’s perception of me. Fear kept me from telling the world.

Today I can say that MS/DD has made me a better photographer, business man and hopefully husband and a father. It has taught me to show up. To show up to whatever needs to be focused on that day. It has taught me how to live in the present, not to dwell on what might be. Trust me that is hard to do, especially when you’re in a dark place of illness. It has taught me to enjoy life, to give to others without expectations, to live with purpose.

At this point in my life I want to share my success stories (& hopefully your success story) of living a well life with a disease that has no cure.

Let me be very clear that I am not talking about a cure. This is about living well with the disease. I have chased down many snake oil promises for a cure. What I am promoting is not a cure. It’s an outlook and a philosophy on living your life.

I have taken an integral approach to my wellness, body, mind and soul because all are of equal importance. I think about moving my body, I think about the food (fuel) that I place into my body, I think about my relationships, I think about my thoughts, I think about quieting my mind. I journal, I blog, I play guitar, I take photographs, I walk, I run, I pray, I meditate.

This disease can attack me at any moment, and attack is the right word. A right punch from this disease can blindside me at any moment and I have been there, all too often. I get up slowly at times but I always get up.

Lesson learned #1. There is no perfection, only the process of what I can control.

I never wanted to talk about my illness. Still don’t. I do not want to be a person whose life is defined by the diagnosis of a disease. I want to talk about the lessons learned from living with the disease. These are not lessons on medical advice or tips or tricks to wellness, nor are these suggestions on how to handle side effects from medicine. These are lessons about putting in the effort.

My goal is to help others lead a life filled with health, creativity, simplicity infused with the “heart of a servant” and the “strength of a fighter”. And that takes practice.

I invite you to join me in this journey. Please pass this along if it inspired you. Facebook this, Tweet this, e-mail this to friends and family struggling with these diseases.

Top 10 list of Daughter & Daddy Similarities

Jotted this list down after spending a morning playing with my daughter:

1. Pants are always optional
2. Poopie jokes are funny
3. Barefoot is best
4. Books at bedtime. Always.
5. Belly zerberts is just good parenting
6. Lady GaGa & Taylor Swift are dreamy
7. Monkey-bar workouts for us
8. Phineas and Ferb is the best TV show. Ever.
9. We both love Mommy
10.We both like to color inside the lines but think outside the box. It’s our own existential crisis with a crayon in hand.

Nationally Published, Updates & Stuff

Ok, so this makes us feel good...we have been nationally published twice this week.

Style Me Pretty featured one of our engagement sessions. You can read the story over at Elizabeth’s blog.

Indian Wedding Site featured one of our weddings.

Also, Check out our website (www.craig-photography.com). We have added a crazy amount of new photos.

If is this is not enough self marketing, you can also see our new Facebook page which has a zillion of photos, truly zillions.

Renaissance Man or Singular Focus

I am disciplined by nature; I say my prayers, eat my vegetables, and do my push-ups. But the one thing that has always been lacking for me is that I can’t pick a direction and stick with it.

Singular focus: I’ve never been good at that. To have the drive and attention to do one thing well for long periods of time. It just doesn't seem natural.

It’s all about composition and creating something new to me. I have the discipline for creating but not the passion to master one subject in its totality, if that's even possible.

Guitar, camera or the pen? Business man or working artist? Zen or Christianity? These are all passions of mine but I have mastered none. Conceivably I’m a renaissance man like Leonardo Da Vinci?

In reading all these endurance books over this summer the one running thought that I kept asking myself was “ how do they fight the boredom and repetition of their day?” Even during my obsessive study of Bach I would read about students practicing their instrument for ten hours at a time. I have spent a lifetime with a guitar on my lap but never have I practiced for ten straight hours. Never.

So I struggle with the divided nature of renaissance man or singular focus.

My wife has the gift of singular focus when it comes to her photography. She is a woman's photographer; a creative portraitist and that is her love and passion behind the lens. She is always developing her talents in this direction. I am proudly jealous of her photography in this way, (but it's also nice to have a sugar momma; it's good for the renaissance man's soul).

Capturing a photo is all about documenting a singular moment of focus.

Perhaps a renaissance man can have a singular focus even if it's fleeting....

Moment

Current Reading: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
Current Music: Nothing - recommend something good?
Mood: Dreamy
Sounds: laundry machine
Smells: Coffee
Temperature: 74 degrees, cloudy & gray outside.
Thoughts: Health. Creativity. Life. Simplicity.

Published ~ Indian Wedding Photographers

Happy to tell you that we got one of our recent Indian weddings published on a national Indian wedding site! We were contacted a little while ago and asked if we would mind sharing Ashima & Neel’s wedding photos for their site.

I don’t know if you remember Ashima & Neel (see slide show here) their wedding was jam-packed full of the most awesome festivities, food and details. It was a very emotional weekend and the energy surrounding everything was so contagious. With the Sangeet/Mehendi at PNC Park (Neel is a big baseball fan) and a gigantic wedding and reception at the Pittsburgh Hyatt, we were just hanging on with both hands trying not to fall off.

IndianWeddingSite published 3 separate posts: the Sangeet/Mehendi, the Wedding and the Reception. Gorgeous! And also don’t forget to drop by our Indian Wedding Photography website!

On Walking

Sunday afternoon I took a long walk to get two slices of pizza.

I slept in that morning and after a pot of coffee, photo editing, and too much marketing research I got up from my desk and walked.

Walking over the years has become my church; this is where I feel the presence and trust me I have spent more time in churches than most church ladies...truly. When I walk I can see the seasons change, flowers bloom and flowers dying, grass turning green to burning out from the sun, to the leaves falling off the trees. I see neighbors, not often though, few leave their homes. I do see some at times. I wave as I walk by, they have come to know me. There is one man who is always standing out at the end of his driveway on the right hand side where he places his trash. No matter what time of day I walk by there he is standing there, sometimes on his phone, sometimes smoking, sometimes just standing and staring out. I have come to think of him as my neighborhood gnome, always there, always present without purpose. I wonder what he thinks of me as I walk by.

As I walk out of my neighborhood I past a hospital. I see, as always, that the parking lot is full; there are never any open spots. Cars circle around doing loop-t-loops searching for a spot to park. I have used the services of this hospital myself. It is nice, nice people work there, and that is what makes the sick well. So I guess a full lot means there are people being treated nice, this is good.

Next I pass a park that is lined with tennis courts. Wish I could play, I have tried at times but with little success. A good photographer friend of mine was teaching me years ago but he was too good and I was too slow. These courts are littered with the geriatric, dressed in white: clean white clothes, clean white shoes and clean white hair. There are couples playing doubles and I smile every time and think “maybe when I’m sixty I’ll take up the sport”.

There is a patch of woods that I cut through on my way. This is the spot of land where I decided to take up trail running. This patch of woods is filled with loop-t-loop trails that are far enough for me to work up a good sweat but not too far that I could not cry out for help if I broke a leg. I am a month and a half into running and breaking a leg hasn't happened, not yet at least. I named this park wood-chip-trail with my daughter years ago. Not sure if that's the real name but at the entrance the trails are lined with wood-chips and it gives you the feeling that you're walking through a Disney forest scene.

As I come out of the woods I make my way into the next business district, now just one mile from the best pizza. I walk down the sidewalk past mom and pop stores. I wonder how they stay in business, but I’m glad that they do. Never once have I spent a dime in any of these places, except the pub.

I walk into the pizza shop, order two slices and large iced tea. There are five booths lining the wall, the first four booths are filled with men sitting alone staring at the TV on the wall, which has a golf game on. I take the fifth booth and start reading a City Paper while I wait for my order to be ready. Two guys in front of me start talking about how great the weather is in San Diego, I’ve only been there once and the weather was nice, white beaches too. As I listen to this conversation I wonder what is worse: that I am eves-dropping or actually interested in San Diego weather? Five guys, siting in five separate booths all eating alone on a Sunday afternoon. We all must have our story of why we are eating alone on a Sunday afternoon. Mine is that my wife and daughter are out shopping. I would much rather eat alone than go shopping. The gentleman in the first booth looks as if he had a hard life, you can see it in the wrinkles in his skin. You just know that he has stories to tell, but all he does is eat his pizza and at the oddest moment he speaks up and says, "Laguna beach. That is nice if you're in San Diego go there." And he goes back to eating.

I get my slices, take my time eating them.

I walk back home.

Photo of the Week

Moment

Current Reading: Running On Empty by Marshall Ulrich
Current Music: Pat Metheny, What's It All About
Mood: Trail running excited
Sounds: My wife reading a story to my daughter
Smells: Who Smurfed
Temperature: 82 degrees
Thoughts: Trail running, meditation and writing, there is something profound in this trinity....hope I can discover what it is?

Light

We have been experimenting with different lighting set-ups this year. This is what I learned (or in truth, remembered).

Flex TTL - Nikon PocketWizard is good, not great. When set for TTL, flash recycle time has become an issue. When the flash is set in Manual, no problems at all.

Tripod and a reflector are still my best weapons of choice for off-camera light.

Late to the game on researching this, White Lightning (self-contained studio flashes), which I call “canned light”, are less expensive than most high-end flashes. I just had to send a flash into Nikon to have it fixed. If the flash repair cost more than $300 I am going with a new White Lightning.

Natural light is how I prefer to shoot. I feel it is the best way to create separation between you and other photographers. Natural light is never the same twice......

Photo of the Week

Zombie, Zendo & Motion

I remember the pain but I forgot how bad it feels.

This summer I have been on a transformational journey of body, mind and soul. At times on this blog I write about my health and its condition. I do my best to stay away from words (thoughts) like "disease", "illness" and other depressing verbiage. Why? We all suffer in some way. No need to label mine.

Two months ago I set out to rehab myself from this past winter of sickness and also set into motion training for this upcoming winter season. For reasons unbeknownst to me winter is hard on me, body, mind and soul...hard.

For 60 days I have been a soldier to my mission at hand. I started slowly with push-ups and pull-ups in my backyard, doing as many as I could, which wasn't much. Daily I built my strength. Walking at first around the block, progressing to walking 5 miles a day. Three weeks ago I started trail running, which I love. Back in March of this year I was walking with a cane and today I am trail running. I feel like Lance Armstrong, minus the cancer and the fame. No ultra marathon in my future as of yet, but who knows? Ego is alive and getting stronger, push-ups do a body good.

I fuel myself with a library of endurance books, reading everything that I could get my hands on. I motivated myself with thoughts of my wife and daughter while chanting the mantra “heart & strength” over and over in my head. I’ve even hired a business coach to help guide me along this journey. We talk about the “now” the “what might be” and the dreaded “yes/but” moments we all face in life. It's a cocktail of therapy and business advice from a guy who looks like George Carlin and talks like the Dalai Lama. He thinks I should write a book.

I joined a Zendo to develop my meditation practice. I see it as training for what might never come, but I want the foundation to be laid if needed.

Two days ago I had a set back. I awoke to pain and a feeling deep inside of me that was not good. A shakiness in the core of my body has returned. I call this feeling “zombie fog syndrome”. 60 days of work gone, for not. When zombie mode strikes, life mentally becomes hard. I question every move that I made over the past couple of days, I question every piece of food that I consumed, I even question the people that I came into contact with, constantly searching for patterns that might lead to answers. No answers arise, no patters form.

Sunday morning I sat through an hour and a half of zazen in this zombie fog of pain and self doubt. The only reason I went was a nagging feeling I had all throughout the night of “do not miss it". I awoke early, so I went.

This meditation was not my best, my mind ran wild with thoughts and my body surged with pain. Not once did I feel relief while on the mat. The bell rings three times and the zazen period is over. Thank God I say to myself as I try to stand and not look as if I was going to fall over.

After the session was over and I walked to my car I noticed a sensation flowing through my body. This is good. I feel ok. Pain is subsiding.

Motion, 60 days of motion in body, mind and soul. This is my answer! I trained myself for motion. Health is out of my control at this time. Motion is not. I can move forward, if the body fails I can move the mind , if the mind fails I can move the spirit. As long as I have breath I have motion. I am in control, this is what I learned. This is what I wish to share with you.

My life is guided by the simple words of “create, connect & grow”. I am learning that it is all about the act of motion. Motion is the fuel for my philosophy.

Do something good, repeat it, then share it....that is motion....