Afterlife would look like this - Short Story

I never thought the afterlife would look like this. Day three of sitting on this terracotta roof with this boy pointing a toy gun at my head. The shingles are pinching at my bum. Sally just peed herself, again. I am staring at three crufixes with four men standing in front of them. One man has a Che Guevara shirt on, that must mean something. The air smells of alpaca dung and will somebody for the love of God turn down that flamingo music?? Why is that boy holding on to cow guts pulled out of a bucket? How did I get this scar?

Pop, pop, pop, a man with a camera walks up to me and says, “You can’t have simplicity until you know confusion. Say cheese”. Pop, pop, pop the flash blinds me for an instant. The cameraman yell outs “bang, bang, my baby shot me down…this is way beyond funny, sonny”, and then he walks away.

I’ve been to Planet Hollywood, have not been to the mountaintop, I should have danced more often. I wish I had updated my style of clothing, as this is what I am going to wear for eternity in the afterlife. My cell phone rings, “Hello?” A woman’s voice speaks, “interdependence, interconnectedness, systemic risk, moral hazard, this used to hurt”, she hangs up…”OK.”, I respond. I turn left and see what?

Four men wearing black facemasks with pom-poms and tassels on top of their heads. The man in the middle is holding onto a chalkboard that has a message scribbled in Spanish: “I feel stupid”. My white stuffed puppy dog from my childhood is on the floor next to my giant silver platform heals from my disco dancing days. I think, “How did the McMafa get my shoes and stuffed puppy dog?”

Pop, pop, pop, the cameramen takes my photo again. “Never thought the afterlife would look like this”, he says to me. “STOP THAT!” I yell at him, the flash is blinding me. “That’s the bright lights of heaven’s gate…and you must wait”, the cameraman says to me.