I’m Number 51, AGAIN

I’m angry, it happened again…fifth year in a row; I’m number 51. People magazine just listed 2008’s fifty sexiest men alive. They never print, publish, promote or publicize number 51. Just an Oh-So-Close e-mail, yet again. Then I noticed that most of the men are members of the cult (oops) club (oops) church of Scientology, check out this list. At this point I can no longer stand being number 51. As of this moment I dedicate my ego and all my good-lookingness to the cult/club/church of Scientology. Move over Oprah, I’m jumping on your sofa.

Good reasons to become a Sciencetologist:

- They don’t go to war

- They only accept beautiful people

- You become automatically rich through osmosis or by the company you keep, or something like that.

- Tax exempt status – that’s why they only accept the rich

- Jenna Elfman (she’s pretty)

- Done the Christian/ Buddhist thing: Service to others, practice forgiveness, mindful of my actions, and I suffered. That is so two thousand year ago.

- Get to be immortal. Come on, that’s just cool.

- Story of Xenu is better than Star Wars.

- Sciencetologist lawyers kick ass

- South Park dedicated a full episode to satirizing Scientology – this only happens to famous and successful people. When’s the last time anybody satirized the Presbyterians?

- If Kurt Vonnegut would have conceived the idea of Scientology instead of L. Ron Hubbard nobody would have a problem with it.