Missing Inch, Socks and Panic

I have spent money this week. I bought two pairs of pants, one pair of shoes, a new belt, some books, also ate lunch out twice, one cookie, and numerous cups of coffee. I am not one for spending money on things that don’t keep me alive and out of jail. Food, mortgage, utilities, taxes and wine, and that’s about it.

I get books, DVDs and music from the library (most of them). I am not growing out of my clothes so it’s rare that I wear them out. Traditionally my fashion preference is black, gray or white so my clothing choices seldom go out of style.

An out-of-the-ordinary thing happened to me that brought on this spending spree. Couple of weeks ago I lost a pair of pants in my own home. It’s true. There was no changing clothes anywhere, no girlfriend on the side nor do I think my wife tossed them out just to see me wear something new. I think my socks stole them (I also lost a much-loved blazer to my house). Do I live in fear of my socks stealing other things? Do I ask a Priest to cast out evil clothing-stealing-spirits? Do I accuse my wife until she makes a full confession? What to do…

A good thing from my shopping experience was that I discovered that my waist line is an inch smaller. 32-inch waist, 32-inch inseam is how I bought pants in the past. Today I purchased two pairs of 31-inch waist, 31-inch inseam, the missing inch around my waist I will not miss but the missing inch on my inseam has me curious? I am getting shorter…getting smaller only happens to really, really, really old people…I am not old…not even close to being old. The answer came to me.

Can socks that steal clothing from my home also steal the actual length from my legs? At first I thought, “this is dumb”, what is a sock going to do with a leg? Then it hit me…socks go on feet, feet are attached to legs, legs needs pants and I am missing pants. Now I am panicking.