12.14.2007

Somebody should invent this.

Here is the idea, take it and run with it.

-The reverse car horn.

Car horn etiquette is at an all time low. All road rage starts with car horn abuse. Whatever happened to the soft beep, beep? “Hey, mister motorist I am behind you and wanted to alert you that I am patiently waiting for you to move your vehicle”. We live in a car driven society of “if you do not react on the road within a nano second you are subjected to the ear crushing, heart pounding, BEEEEEP,BEEEEEEP, BEEEEEP followed up by knowing that curse words are being tossed your way conjoined with hand jesters that just aren’t nice.”

At first it will increase road rage and random acts of violence towards fellow drivers. (This is not good but wait.) This is how the invention will work: The reverse car horn will generate calming, soothing, healing reverberation to our highways and byways. Picture this; you are driving your car and you are stopped at a red light. The light turns green but you do not go due to the fact that you are day dreaming, flipping radio stations, etc… The person behind you lays on their horn shortening your life expectancy by 3 to 7 years. You are awoken to the real world startled back into life and become angered at that driver behind you. You think to yourself “why couldn’t they just give me the gentle beep, beep and I would be on my way?”

Remembering that you just had the reverse car horn installed, you decide this is the time to use it. You flip open the newly installed reverse car horn head (think of Pez dispensers), and you blast Barry Manilow’s song, “Mandy”, at them. You do not drive away or move your car. Instead you watch and wait. You watch the driver behind you go from angry, irritated, road rage to bliss. At first angry, irritated, road rage will persist, maybe even to the point of inflamed violent behavior. Nevertheless, just wait, soon the Manilow will create a Fanilow out of that person transporting a tip-toeing dancing smile to their face. The random act of violence has been changed into a random act of kindness with a music soundtrack to go with it.

P.S. The reverse car horn will not be sold to people who drive mini-vans while smoking a cigarette, eating a pop tart, and talking on their cell phones all the while barely avoiding a catastrophe and almost wrecking into me. They deserve the BEEEEEP,BEEEEEEP, BEEEEEP…